Blondes & Cops

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! You're hired! But, how in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said,” Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Refining us as Pure Silver

Article and exhortation from an un-know author.
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There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came cross verse three which says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what his statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.

That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot -- then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."

This story is especially meaningful to those of us who may be in the hottest part of the flame right now. To know that God has! his eyes fixed on those he is refining and cannot be distracted is most comforting! Nothing that happens in your life goes unnoticed by the Father.....most comforting. He is aware of all and guess what? He's on your side!!

The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, meekness, temperance and faithfulness. We are told that the mark of a true Christian does not lie in his works, but that we will know them by their fruit! Here we must also remember that this is HIS fruit, not ours.....the fruit of the Spirit....that word is capitalized in the Bible....His Spirit.....through us....to others.

What an awesome responsibility that is! Whenever I find myself in the "hottest flame," I just instinctively look at the "fruit" list...."What fruit is my Lord trying to bring forth in me now?" Every day He presents to me situations that require me to be gentle.....kind.....patient, etc. I've gotten to where I look for them now and rejoice when they come! I'm sure we've all at some time or another asked the question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" or more specifically "God's people?" I don't ask anymore....I just know.

How else can He perfect in us the fruit of the Spirit unless obstacles are presented? Sometimes it's in small ways, but very powerful; sometimes in much deeper ways....painful even. It's during these times I hope you will remember one thing from this devotional today.... "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy--when I see my image in it."

This is for You

I said a prayer for you today

And know God must have heard.

I felt the answer in my heart

Although He spoke not a word.

I didn’t ask for wealth or fame

(I know you wouldn’t mind)

I asked for priceless treasures rare

Of a more lasting kind.

I prayed that He’d be near you

at the start of each new day.

To grant you health and blessings fair,

and friends to share the way.

I asked for happiness for you

in all things great and small.

But that you’d know His loving care

I prayed for most of all.

Retarded Grandparents

I received this in an e-mail today, thought it was a funny. I don't know if it was actually reported by a teacher or someone's play on words, though the use of the word retarded can be insulting I decided to post it anyway. So, enjoy :)

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RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida ...Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.
They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but all they do is jump up and down in it...with hats on.
At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.
Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night -- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can b e retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house.. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
...PRICELESS