Things you have done during your lifetime:
( ) Gone on a blind date
( ) Skipped school (sorry mom!)
( ) Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
( ) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
( ) Been lost
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
( ) Swam in the ocean
( ) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang Karaoke
( ) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
( ) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
( ) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone
( ) Blown bubbles
( ) Gone ice-skating
( ) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
( ) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
( ) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
( ) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
( ) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
( ) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World
( ) Truly believe in the power of prayer
( ) Been in a rain forest
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
( ) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Basketball Association game
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
The Sack Lunches
I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat.
It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read
Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the a isle and
filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?'
I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and
then we're being deployed to **Afghanistan.
After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars.
It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.
As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems
like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base'.
His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the
flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with
tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq; it's almost like you are doing it for him.'
Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked,
'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the
front of the plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.'
After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me.
'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars.
Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked,
I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to
my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, and said, 'I want to shake your hand.'
Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a
military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.'
I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.
Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached
out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.
When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me,
put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!
Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them
seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.'
Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for
their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little...
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to ' Canada ' or ' United States of America ' for an
amount of 'up to and including my life.'
Originally Printed in the magazine Renewed & Ready, Adventisit Living for today July 2008 issue. Unverifiable by Snopes.com
It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read
Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the a isle and
filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?'
I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. 'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and
then we're being deployed to **Afghanistan.
After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars.
It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time.
As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems
like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base'.
His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the
flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with
tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq; it's almost like you are doing it for him.'
Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked,
'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the
front of the plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.'
After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me.
'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars.
Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked,
I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to
my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, and said, 'I want to shake your hand.'
Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a
military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.'
I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.
Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached
out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.
When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me,
put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!
Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them
seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.'
Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for
their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little...
A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to ' Canada ' or ' United States of America ' for an
amount of 'up to and including my life.'
Originally Printed in the magazine Renewed & Ready, Adventisit Living for today July 2008 issue. Unverifiable by Snopes.com
Blind Man in a Biker Bar
A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter,'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind, that you should know five things:
1)The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2)The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3)I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4)The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5)The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.
After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter,'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind, that you should know five things:
1)The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2)The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3)I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4)The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5)The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously Mister, do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy"
then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out."
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!"
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark."
I thought that maybe if I acted "Crazy"
then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who is blonde) asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so, that the Boss might think I was "Crazy" and give me a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out."
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office....
When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And where do you think you're going?!"
(You're gonna love this....)
She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark."
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
CAADD
Recently, I was diagnosed with C.A.A.D.D. - Child Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests: I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the basement, I notice that there are cheerios all over the floor and my house keys are in the cereal bowl. I decide to pick up the cheerios before I do the laundry. I lay my keys down on the counter, put the cheerios in the trashcan under the counter, and notice that the trashcan is full. So, I decide to take out the trash. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left, my extra checks are in my desk in the office, so I go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I decide I should put the sippy cup in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup a plant on the counter catches my eye--it needs to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to water the plants. I set the wipes back down, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote, left on the kitchen table. I realize that when I go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the plants. I splash some water on the plant, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm cup of juice sitting on the counter, the plants aren't watered, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find the wipes, and I don't remember what I did with my keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
This is how it manifests: I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the basement, I notice that there are cheerios all over the floor and my house keys are in the cereal bowl. I decide to pick up the cheerios before I do the laundry. I lay my keys down on the counter, put the cheerios in the trashcan under the counter, and notice that the trashcan is full. So, I decide to take out the trash. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left, my extra checks are in my desk in the office, so I go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I decide I should put the sippy cup in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup a plant on the counter catches my eye--it needs to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to water the plants. I set the wipes back down, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote, left on the kitchen table. I realize that when I go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the plants. I splash some water on the plant, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down, get some paper towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm cup of juice sitting on the counter, the plants aren't watered, there is still only one check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find the wipes, and I don't remember what I did with my keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today. I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.
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